Saturday, 27 October 2012

Drunk Driving Corrects Declining First World Birth Rates

For my first blog entry I wanted to share something personal, yet relevant to all. Today being the morning after some crazy Halloween parties, the topic I want to share is the one of drunk driving.This isn’t just an entry about how pouring down 3 heinekens and 2 shots of grey goose helps you get pussy at the weekend rave, or intercept it when its mindlessly walking around at 2 am, trying to hail a cab. It goes further than that. I am exploring the societal aspects of drunk driving.

The supposed cons of drunk driving are well know – getting yourself and/or someone else killed, but how come noone has stated the hidden societal benefits?! That, ladies and gentlemen is because we live in a nation where politically correct cowardice and do-(little)-gooder attitude prevails. I’m gonna state an argument which might sound absurd at first look but is sound – drunk driving helps, not retards the population growth rate. Let me follow up with a short personal anecdote….

On a cold November night my mates and yours truly went downtown Toronto to celebrate a friend’s birthday. Obviously drinking heavily to shrug the cold, not noticing the amounts while enjoying the good camaraderie. Had an amazing time at the Bier Market, then walking around King st getting in a few shots of good rum mixed with coffee. Everyone’s having a great time, except the birthday boy had too much and needs some food from a local MCd. Leave him there with the rest of corp. and take a buddy of mine to go look for the car. Don’t remember where I parked, miss it completely, and keep walking up on Spadina. We catch up to two girls, I blurt out – “Are you girls having a good night?”. One (first rate – pretty face, slim physique, jacket covering up to the butt, nylons) stops and laughingly says yes, the other (second rate) pulls her away. Long story short, we did stop them and convinced to go for some food together (2:30 am already). Gave them a lift to second rate’s home (parents home unfortunately), the chick took my number, called me up n I got hers. Arranged to meet for drinks next weekend.

Meet them for drinks, fun double date, drinking games, lots of fun info exchanged (they slept together last weekend, and share a bed every time they stay over at second rate’s), make out, petting.  Decide to go to take a walk in a park to get the booze out, first rate and myself lose my buddy and second rate. No answer from my buddy, guessing he’s already in on the 2nd rate. My girl and I go to the car, crazy kino while walking, she wants it bad. Takes off her shoes, nylons, starts coming on to me, I take her bra off…rdy to go but my little friend isn’t up for performing right now. Decide to drive her to a hotel and enjoy some good time together.

Long story short – drunk dick not responding to advances of this sweety, plastic is definitely in the way. Decide to just sleep it off and do it in the morning. Wake up in the middle of the night (probably more like early morning), head full of booze, but the bayonet is ready. Fuck her on and off till morning, no condoms, nothing. Drive her home in the morning, never answered my calls afterwards.
Moral of the story: possibly one more person added to this planet and this country’s miserable birth rate slightly corrected. For every person who dies in DUI, more are born because of it. Another counterproductive, silly law debunked.

T.O. Denizen out

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